Once of the most common reasons why people attend Anger Related counselling is problems in their marriage or relationships. Usually one partner will have “exploded” and the other partner has threatened to leave them unless they do something about their anger management problems. Probably not the best motivation but I guess it gets them to anger counselling sessions…. and that is the main thing!
If we look at all the different areas of our lives. For example:
* Romantic Relationships
* Career/ Study
* Finance
* Family
* Health and Fitness
Generally, people will find that the majority of anger management problems occur at home in the area of romantic relationships. Why is this the case you may be wondering? Is this the case for you?
The whole point of this article is to explain why anger management problems are so prevalent at home and more importantly what you can do about it. Lets kick this discussion off with the anger management cycle.
The Anger Management Cycle
How does anger build in romantic relationships or in marriages? The answer is always the same – it builds because different partners do not address their anger and don’t deal with issues in their relationships, until it is too late.
Either the relationship has completely broken down and/ or someone has had an anger outburst and been ordered along to anger management counselling sessions.
Ask any marriage expert and they will tell you that the secret to any successful marriage is open communication. I agree wholeheartedly with this idea. However, what exactly does this mean in terms of anger management and in terms of having a healthy marriage? It means talking about important issues in your relationship and addressing them and moving on with your life. Not harboring resentment and bitterness and passive aggression.
In any relationship, issues are going to come up. That is only natural. For example you may be worried that:
* Your partner is going to leave you and find someone else or vice versa
* Your partner doesn’t respect you
* Your partner is cheating on you
….and the list goes on. The problem occurs when these underlying issues are never addressed. And what happens within you when issues are not addressed? Anxiety, frustration and ultimately anger.
What’s Beneath The Iceberg?
It sounds like a pretty simple concept doesn’t it. If you get annoyed by your partner or some issue comes up for you then address it! However, this is easier said than done on the whole. You may be wondering why? Lets now explore what is beneath the iceberg when it comes to romantic relationships.
In his self-help book Think and Grow Rich N. Hill talks about 5 fears that stop people from doing things. They are:
* Poverty
* Criticism
* Loss of Love
* Ill Health
* Death
Now of course there are other fears that people have as well but these are our mean fears. I now would like to go into 1 of these fears and explain how it is guiding “faulty” behaviours in relationships and causing break-downs in communication and ultimately anger, but that’s another article.
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