<strong>The Illusion</strong>

The experience I had with “self improvement” (or lack thereof) speaks to the issue that all of us face. We’re unable to create what we want for our lives because frankly we’re unable to realize The Illusion that we’re all trapped in.

In The Illusion, it SEEMS as if we’re going in a particular direction (e.g. it seemed as if I was trying to improve myself), or it may seem as if we’re going after a particular goal or that we are being a certain way. On the surface things may look that way, but in actuality something entirely different is going on below the surface such that the way things seem aren’t what they really are.

Hence The Illusion: we’re deluded into thinking what we see in terms of our behaviours, goals, actions and desires are really what they are.

Because we’re not aware that what we think is real really isn’t, we become increasingly frustrated when we don’t get what we CLAIM we desire through the actions we think we’re taking.

In life, we usually deal with three types of desires/goals etc.
<ul>
<li>There’s our conscious desires. These are our desires that are on the forefront of our minds. They’re the desires that we’re aware of that we have, e.g. saving up to buy a home, financial goals, etc. These goals/desires mask what’s really going on underneath.</li>
<li>There are our unconscious desires. These are our REAL desires that are masked by our conscious desires. There are the desires which give rise to the actions that we take. They’re based on the experiences we had in life, many stemming from our childhood. They’re based on a false “self” of who we think we are. Most of us are totally unaware of these desires almost all the time.</li>
<li>Lastly, there are the desires that stem from our CORE being. These desires are based on who we really are, not the false “self” that we created that’s based on our past experiences. These desires are based on the fact that we are Divine beings put on this earth for some purpose, and our desires and actions stem from that SELF. Sadly, most people will die never getting in touch with the desires of the TRUE self. These are our ONLY desires that are NOT a part of The Illusion.</li>
</ul>

We’re not getting what we want because of the discrepancy between what we think we desire, what we’re actually going after, and what we REALLY desire.

Are you sufficiently confused yet?

In my case, I thought I wanted to improve myself, but I was actually trying to impress my mother. All this hid what I really desired from my CORE, which was simply to be a good person. The discrepancy between these three things, and also the fact that I was completely unaware that there was a discrepancy, guaranteed me not getting not only what I thought I wanted, but what I really wanted from the core of my being.

This is like planting apple seeds and when an apple tree sprouts, you then rage and shake your fist against the gods in heaven as to why they hate you so much for not giving you an orange tree.

I’m sure there’s been a lot of fist shaking and raging in your life, because there still is in mine.

You may be thinking, “What type of idiot can’t tell the difference between an orange seed and an apple seed?” Well I have news for you: you, me and the rest of the world most of the time think we’re sowing one thing, when in actuality we’re sowing something else, and we are thus surprised at what we wind up reaping, expecting to have reaped something else.

Get it?

Think about the person who works hard all his life to graduate medical school and be a doctor. What if in actuality his father used to call him stupid all the time when he was young and him becoming a doctor was a way of trying to prove to his father he wasn’t stupid?

On the surface, he went to college, studied hard, graduated with honours, took his MCATs, got accepted to medical school and got a medical degree.

However, that was all an Illusion. What all those actions REALLY were was him trying to prove his father wrong, thinking that by achieving his goal he would finally achieve happiness, or feel smart.

Interestingly enough, when the dude finally becomes a doctor, to you, me, him and the rest of the world, he may seem as if he’s carrying out his duties as a doctor, that’s The Illusion, but in actuality, his actions will be more aligned with his desire to be smart. His desire to be thought of as smart, which in turn is actually an overcompensation of him really feeling he is stupid, will supersede his duties as a doctor and from time to time, may adversely affect his career as a doctor in one way or another.

<strong>Until you become aware of your unconscious, underlying desires in life, they will continue to control your actions and give you an outcome that doesn’t match up with what you consciously say or think you desire.</strong>

We all live inauthentic lives to one degree or another where we take actions that are neither compatible with our conscious desires nor our core being.

<strong>Our actions most of the time are based on past experiences rehashed in our minds that we play out over and over and over again. Thus we never truly live life in the present, but rather we live from our experiences.</strong>

We’re not able to live The Viable Alternative, which would mean to create from the desires that emanate from our core being simply because we’re not aware of what we really want. We’re not aware of what we truly desire because are hearts and minds are blocked by The Illusion and we all sadly think it’s real in one way or another.

It reminds me of when we were kids, and we would be running around the house making noise. Now, if our parents were to come home in a good mood, they may simply give us a warning to stop making noise, or if they were in an extremely good mood, they may even laugh at our gesticulations. However, Heaven forbid if one or both of our parents came home in a bad mood because they got screamed on by their boss, or got caught up in traffic on the way home. Most likely, we were on the receiving end of a sound beating.

Now on the surface, it would look like the parent was disciplining us, and they would claim so. However, what was really going on was that the parent was in a bad mood and hit us to let off some steam.

Please, I’m getting flashbacks, someone give me a hug….

Anyways, really, it’s these inauthenticities that exist in all areas of our lives that keep us from creating the lives that we would truly want. We react to experiences and our emotions rather than act from who we really are.

I also recall the many times I marveled in disgust when I go to the gym and I see a person who has been going to the gym for a number of years the same fat, sloppy mess that he was when he first started. On the surface he takes the time to go to the gym, pay his gym membership, and work out, but if so, why is he still in such horrendous shape?

Well, if you look closer at his actions (barring him having some type of thyroid disorder), he’s doing EVERYTHING to guarantee that he doesn’t reach his goal. He works out the WRONG way, and refuses to ask anyone for help, he probably eats like crap and doesn’t want to discipline himself to eat what’s healthy, and not only does he smoke cigarettes, but he probably lights one up as soon as he leaves the gym.

I recall quite a few times someone approaching me at the gym and asking me what he needs to do to get in “good shape”. When I tell him, he walks away shaking his head, obviously overwhelmed, saying he could never do that and with a firmer resolve to stick to what WASN’T working.

What the hell?

“The hell” is that his intention was never to get in shape in the first place, even though he has convinced himself it was, and even if he complains that he’s not getting in better shape despite the fact he’s going to the gym or he engages in verbal masturbation by telling others who are in great shape that he wished he looked like them What he may actually be doing is trying to prove to himself (or most likely someone from his past) that he’s not lazy, hence, to him, going to the gym on its own is enough to satisfy that goal.

There may be a million and one other reasons all resulting in one thing, him not reaching his “said” goal to get in shape.

What’s more, like I said before, is the fact that he completely unaware of what he’s doing. He’s imprisoned by The Illusion, and as long as he remains there, not only will he continue to spin his wheels, but he’ll NEVER learn what he truly desires from the core of his being.

Oh… and that goes for ALL of us.

In order for us to break free of The Illusion we need the tools of awareness, honesty and personal responsibility.

By awareness, I mean being aware of our actions and whether they line up with what we truly want in life from the core of our being. For example, a person may have a desire to become a millionaire and delude himself into thinking that he’s taking action towards that goal. However, when you take a closer look at his actions, you may see that they’re actually making him poorer. Simply put, this person has no awareness of the underlying reasons for his actions, and will stay in scarcity until he becomes aware.

When you become aware, are you able to admit to yourself what you’re doing or do you become scared, pull the wool back over your eyes and shout the same complaints that you did before you were aware? By the way, if you choose to CONSCIOUSLY pull the wool back over your eyes, you’re now choosing to live a lie, and let me tell you, choosing to live a lie costs a lot more than embracing the truth.

By honesty, I mean that after you become aware of the discrepancy between your actions and your “desires”, you become honest with yourself as to what you TRULY desire in your life. You may realize that the thing you were originally “claiming” to desire but failing at may actually be what you really want. Now that the lights are turned on, so to speak, you can go about bringing your desire about the right way. Or, you may realize that you may not want that thing whatsoever and you’re now able to determine what you really desire.

Whatever the case, you’ve now taken the path of The Viable Alternative because by being honest with yourself, you’re now living and creating a life that comes from the core of your being, and are no longer fighting the phantoms of The Illusion.

And lastly, by personal responsibility, I mean after becoming aware of your mismatched actions, and honestly determining what you really want, taking responsibility to deal with those issues that caused you to pursue the underlying goal or action that was hidden below the surface of the goal or action you claimed to be taking. If you don’t, I guarantee you that it’s going to come back and bite you in the ass once more, and sabotage success for yourself in the future. Dealing with these underlying issues may involve simply just letting go of some false belief you held about yourself, accepting something about yourself, or even receiving some therapy or counseling.

Personal responsibility is also taking responsibility in doing what’s needed to bring your desires into fruition. That could very well mean confronting your demons and stepping out of your comfort zone. Many people choose to stay unaware and refuse to be honest with themselves because to them, it ultimately means that they would have to assume responsibility to create the life they really want for themselves, and that is too daunting a task for them. Thus, they choose to live a sub-par life to what they can really have.

When I had the conversation with my mother and realized that I wasn’t genuinely seeking to improve myself but rather, I was seeking my mother’s validation that I was a good person, I had to be honest with myself as to what I really wanted.

To me, it was a no brainer, I really did want to be a good person who had good character and integrity. Now though, I was able to see myself with clearer eyes, not from the eyes with which I thought my mom saw me. Thus, I was now able to take actions that were more congruent with my CHOSEN objectives.

Now I had made the conscious decision to improve myself, I also had to agree take responsibility of letting go of the negative beliefs I had placed on myself because of what my mother had told me, I had to learn how to disengage myself from seeking the approval from my mother, and I had to learn to trust my own intuition of what direction I had to take, instead of looking for it from others. All this didn’t happen overnight, but rather was a process, that I might add, is still going on.

I also had to take responsibility for the ugly truths that were sure to come up for anyone who chooses to embark on the path of self improvement. Nothing prepared me however, for how UGLY some of these truths were, however, I knew if I didn’t deal with them, no one else will.

This was my own way of achieving victory over The Illusion and embracing The Viable Alternative just a little bit more.

I also have to say that just because I received this insight that changed the direction of my life doesn’t mean that the process is over. There are still many, many, many, many places in my life were I don’t know that I don’t know where I’m being inauthentic because I’m claiming that I want one thing but actually seeking something completely different, all the while upset for not getting the results I say I want. Shoot, you might even read about a new “discovery” I made in the near future. All I have to say is that life is a CONTINUAL process of peeling away our inauthenticities on our path of self discovery in order to expose more the beauty of our core that has been hidden from us and the world. It never ends until we take our last breath.

So, if you’re frustrated because your life is a mess for not reflecting what you think you want in life, you have to really ask yourself what’s really going on.

Is that goal you’re pursuing really what you want? Or is there some whole other agenda going on that you’re not aware of? Have you been pursuing something different all along that you haven’t been aware of?

Take a look at the actions you’re taking to pursue your goals, and ask yourself, what are they really telling you? What are they revealing about your true intentions?

Are you REALLY married to or dating the person you’re with for reasons other than what you’re consciously aware of? (Hey, I’m not trying to break anyone up, I just want you to think and WAKE UP.)

How about your career path? Why are you really doing it? Was it an attempt to piss someone off, or prove someone wrong, or gain acceptance? Are you really on this path for the reason why you say you are?

Be brutally honest with yourself.

If the answer doesn’t come to you, put the intention out there for it to come to your unconscious mind, to the Universe, to God or who or whatever you believe in. Believe me, as the guy who thought that nothing worked out for him, you WILL receive an answer.

If you take a look below the surface of The Illusion, you’ll find a whole other world out there that’s been running your actions, behaviours, desires etc. It’s a world that’s made up of your false beliefs, lies, fears, superstitions, etc that you accepted long ago without truly knowing what you were doing. In fact, this is part of The Illusion as well, because it doesn’t represent you either.

In any case, by uncovering the lie that had been blinding you all this time, you’re now more capable of finding the truth which is expressed from the core of you being, and live and create a life that is truly and authentically YOU. This is The Viable Alternative.

And I promise you, that along the way, you will get some REAL self improvement out of it.

Hope this helps.

IKE LOVE

My name is Ike Love and I write a self improvement blog by the name of The Viable Alternative that will help you overcome the obstacles you’ve been facing on your path to self discovery.
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