Anger management of another and our society’s communication skills training are upside down. When there is intensity in a relationship conversation, most listeners become fearful or defensive. Intensity is the beginning to honesty in a business or personal relationship conversation.
What’s wrong with a little intensity? Really nothing, in fact it can help your connection with another person grow. How is that you may ask? I asked the same question when I heard this. Shouldn’t we be nice in our tone of voice when offering empathy? Well? No, there are no shoulds.
When we are offering someone empathy, a deeper understanding of what someone may be experiencing, you can use the same intensity as the speaker. Sounds like it won’t work. To my amazement it does. Instead of the person getting more intense they usually simmer down and become calmer faster when I respond back in the same intensity.
It is truly amazing to me that this happens, yet it does and often. Try it this week as you offer empathy to another. For fun do a role-play with yourself. Try being the intense speaker and the Listener with intensity. This is fun and easy. the speaker just vents about a situation during the day.. The person listening responds with this question: So you value ________? Fill in the blank with a value like respect, to be understood, consideration, ease, fairness, choice or freedom.
For example:
Speaker: You really are a nasty person, you don’t really care about anyone!
Listener using empathic listening: I understand you value consideration for others and yourself? (notice it is a question)
Try different situations that may upset you and watch how calming empathic listening may be.
Personal and business communication skills are never an easy subject, yet Rick Goodfriend teaches these skills in a fun and effective way. He wants communication with others to be easier, more satisfying. Additional Business and personal communication Skills are at http://walkyourtalk.org/ where you may sign up for free weekly communication tips, teleclasses and workshops.
Rick’s new book, “I Hear You, But…” http://IHearYouBut.com/ is full of over 90 short and effective communication tips to help make your communications easier and more peaceful. He is also founder of World Empathy Day, celebrated every Wednesday around the world.
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