Your Perfect Gay Wedding - Ignore the Vote, Focus on What Matters in Your Perfect Marriage
By Ann Keeler Evans
The passing of Prop 8 in California was a crushing blow for human rights and for the understanding of Love’s ability to transform and elevate people. As a sociologist, I see this is as the last gasp of the dinosaur. As a wedding celebrant and a human being I am disappointed in people’s narrowness and fear. Love is so much bigger than fear. I believe it will be changed, but we don’t know when. So, what’s the best thing to do?
I think the best thing ordinary gay couples can do to move marriage rights forward, as both personal action and political, is to continue to get married. Call it a wedding. Call it a marriage. Don’t get married in a hasty wedding ceremony. Plan your wedding with great attention to your wedding vows, your wedding ceremony, and your community. Let the reception take its cue from that. These are difficult times. You need your commitment to love and honor one another as you weather the discrimination.
Wedding Vows First: (This is as crucial to your marriage as it is to any marriage. Get your vows right for you.)
Why are you getting married to your partner?
What do the two of you hope to accomplish with your marriage?
How do your long-term goals fit together? What are your shared goals?
What promises are you willing to offer as you stand with your beloved before your community.
Wedding Ceremony Next: First, find a celebrant or minister who understands that Gay Marriage is Marriage. Then, create a ceremony that:
Talks about the Power of Love to enable us to make commitments to one another, a power that cannot be restricted or contained by the law.
Understands the evolution of marriage from the chattel laws and financial transaction that it once was and emphasizes the need for marriage’s continued evolution.
Focuses on why you and your partner enhance one another’s lives.
Showcases your wedding vows and solicits your community’s support.
Pay Attention to the Community because they have very important roles:
They have shaped and formed you with their love and guidance.
They will be in your life to celebrate and support your marriage from this day forward.
They are invited as witnesses to your commitment with the responsibility to support you in your marriage and gay marriage as marriage in the world.
Don’t forget the Legal aspects:
See your lawyer. Protect yourselves and your families.
Create a marriage covenant. It should include the following: your vows, signed by you; the marriage pronouncement, signed by the celebrant; and your community’s statement of witness and support, signed by the community. Display it on your wall. Not only does it remind you what you have promised one another, it’s a public document. Legal? Not yet.
Then, pick your date, plan your party, invite your loved ones and celebrate this amazing person you love and your wonderful relationship. And consider asking your straight friends, and your religious establishments to consider a moratorium on marriage until the world changes.
Bottom Line?: Give your relationship the chance it deserves to succeed wildly, against all odds! After all, you deserve it. Your relationship deserves it! And now I’d like to invite you to sign up to receive 2 free templates for creating the wedding ceremony of your dreams, the wedding vows of your heart and the marriage of a lifetime: http://annkeelerevans.org/weddings/free
The Rev. Ann Keeler Evans - helping you move from “I do” to happily and healthily ever after!
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